How Financial Stress Can Kill Your Marriage

And what to do about it

 

A disconnected, unhappy couple fighting about money and finances.Why should you and your partner seek financial coaching?  Because financial stress can kill even the best marriage

“If he understood how important this is to me, he wouldn’t keep shutting down.”

“We’ve made so many spreadsheets and she won’t stick to any of them!  What’s the point of trying again?”

“I know she doesn’t want to talk about money issues, and I’ll be honest, neither do I, but we HAVE to figure this shit out!”

“How we can both make this much money but never have anything in savings.”

“We communicate well in every other part of our lives, but can’t even have a simple conversation about the budget.”

You’ve tried a million times to talk to your spouse about money

But over and over it feels like the same conversation, just with different topics.  You’re both trying to protect yourselves and no one feels listened to or understood.  You either feel like the bad guy bringing up money AGAIN, or you’re being blamed for shutting down and shutting your partner out… or both. It’s hard to feel like a team when you both feel so isolated.   

What’s the point of working this hard and making good money if nothing ever changes?

young couple hiking along forest trailBut you can’t out-earn money stress

Goodness knows if that were going to work it would have worked by now.  You can only work so hard for so many hours until there is nothing left of you.  There are only so many ways you can restrict, shame, and judge yourself and each other.  And you’ve tried everything.

Budgeting as a couple is not just about spreadsheets, restriction, or prioritizing spending

What would your lives together look like if you could trust yourselves AND each other with money?  If I could just magically make it so you two could have healthy, safe financial conversations together AND have an adaptable, personalized plan for your money, how would that feel different than it does right now? What would you be able to do that you can’t do now?  What would your relationship look like?

Customized, holistic financial coaching gets you back on the same page

Maybe the idea of a pleasant, intimate money conversation with your partner seems unrealistic… that the best you can hope for is for financial conversations to not be like pulling teeth.  But your money talks can be a conversation you actually look forward to… a time when you are working together towards your shared future and you both feel supported and safe.

Here’s what our financial coaching sessions will look like

At our first conversation I’ll be asking questions to help me determine if I’m a good fit for you.  We’ll talk about each of your goals, as well as your shared goals, and the obstacles you both see standing in your way.  We’ll talk about how I do what I do, and of course you’ll be able to ask any question you can possibly think of.  Towards the end of the session we’ll cover logistics (homework, pricing, frequency, scheduling, etc.)  This initial info session is always free, and you won’t need any financial information on hand.

After that first session we are a team!  My job will be to teach concepts and tools that will help you both build trust and resilience in yourself and each other!   Most of the coaching is done through games and stories, which makes integrating concepts and strategies into your life so much easier.  (And easy to re-teach these concepts to kids.)

We will be working on money mechanics (also called financial literacy), but also soft skills like problem-solving, decision-making, undermining procrastination… and of course we will talk about communication and connection as well!

We will build your shared money language

Instead of just another “financial guru” telling you what to do, we will be collaborating on the path we take through the curriculum!  You both are driving and directing this as much as I am.  We are going to build not only a conversational strategy, but a money system that will work for you because it’s been build with and for both of you.  Before you know it I’ll be unnecessary!   My greatest joy as a coach is graduating my clients who can be aware of their spending without judgment or shame, evolve their personalized money system (budget), and communicate well without the need for mediation.

You are so much closer to financial safety in your marriage than you might think

You and your partner likely have everything you need right now to create your own money system and have honest, productive conversations around money.  What feels like rubble right now is actually the building materials we’ll need to create that system together.  But it starts with you, right now.  I know it can be daunting to bring up seeing a financial coach with your partner, but the fact that you’ve read this far down the page tells me that it’s time!

Your very next steps

So what’s the single biggest thing you’d like to take away from financial coaching?

Reach out via the form below and let me know!